French
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Level
The only French you've spoken in your life was when you were 8 years old singing Voulez-Vous Coucher Avec Moi. You still say Ooh là là when you're impressed, but haven't learned that most French people say it when they're annoyed. And you didn't know that hors-d'œuvres was a French word (or spelled like that). Your name might as well be Emily, cuz every time you go to Paris, your French is as basic as that beret you bought in the metro for €5.
︎︎︎
︎︎︎
LEARN THE FRENCH THAT FRENCH PEOPLE WILL ACTUALLY BE SPEAKING.
THE
FRENCH
I WISH I LEARNED
IN FRENCH CLASS
What makes this course different
︎︎︎
INSTRUCTION
A-Z French
Course
14 hours of learning, teaching you all the standard grammar you’d learn elsewhere and nonstandard street slang you wouldn’t learn anywhere. We’ll also cover the strategies I used to get fluent, and advice like where you can probably skip, and what you should focus more on instead.
ON THE GROUND INFO
Pop Culture References
Your French is still gonna suck if you don’t know anything about French culture – so I’ll walk you through things you should know so you’re not clueless in a room full of French people (like cult movies and lyrics every last drunk French person will be singing as they run to the dancefloor).
Real-life scenarios
LANGUAGE RECALL
2 Minute Newsletter Recaps
TL;DR emails recapping what even happened in that last chapter.
![]()
EFFICIENCY
Duplicate the Workbook in Notion
Click one button and you can do the full course in Notion (if you want).
IMMERSION
Practice
Useful homework to make the language real and get you practicing how you speak (not how a random textbook speaks). + We go through the corrected answers together.
ADVICE
Resource List
Learning a language is not a one-stop shop, but you can get close. You’ll have to hear these concepts over and over – what you pay for is the curation and voice of the teacher. I provide a list of the best of the best language-learning apps, podcasts, Spotify playlists, etc. and ways to supplement your learning with my favorite novels, movies, etc.
MODERN
How to use AI
Join the real world and learn how to use AI to your advantage:
LEARN
AS
MUCH
FRANÇAIS
AS POSSIBLE
EN
2 MOIS
LEVEL 1
Curriculum
We start with verbs so you can learn the pattern and actually make your own sentences (instead of focusing on things like the alphabet when you don’t need to spell anything just yet).
You’ll also learn the little things people forget to teach (that’ll make you look French) – like putting a space before punctuation, writing your 1 like ^, and saying euh instead of um.
You’ll also learn the little things people forget to teach (that’ll make you look French) – like putting a space before punctuation, writing your 1 like ^, and saying euh instead of um.
Free
Placement
Test
Placement
Test
Bienvenue to the French Language
WEEK 01
Greetings: Never forget to say Bonjour
ER Verbs: Your French is about to be sick
WEEK 02
Longer Sentences: Speak like a real human
Negation: The French art of saying non
WEEK 03
Greetings: Never forget to say Bonjour
ER Verbs: Your French is about to be sick
WEEK 02
Longer Sentences: Speak like a real human
Negation: The French art of saying non
WEEK 03
Questions: The answer will still be non
You: Letting people know the who, where, and what
Gender: She's here to stay
Pronunciation & Alphabet: Lots of letters, and none are pronounced
Numbers 0-1000: 70 is where life gets fun
Time, Days of the Week, & Months: It's all a construct anyway
Possession: Taking what's yours
Irregular Verbs that are annoying but you must master
In, at, on & Geography: Cuz you can't be in if you can't figure it out
This, That, and the other: it's like this and like that and like this and uh...
IR Verbs: The IRritation begins
RE Verbs: Prepare for a shit show. They're REdiculous and pREblematic.
Comparatives & Superlatives: Doing the Most 101
Direct Objects: Getting directly to it
Qui, Que, Ce qui, Ce que, suckers
You: Letting people know the who, where, and what
WEEK 04
Pronunciation & Alphabet: Lots of letters, and none are pronounced
WEEK 05
Time, Days of the Week, & Months: It's all a construct anyway
WEEK 06
Irregular Verbs that are annoying but you must master
WEEK 07
This, That, and the other: it's like this and like that and like this and uh...
WEEK 08
RE Verbs: Prepare for a shit show. They're REdiculous and pREblematic.
WEEK 09
Direct Objects: Getting directly to it
WEEK 10
︎THE STUDY HALL FEATURE IS ONLY AVAILABLE DURING SPECIAL ENROLLMENT TIMES
French
Level
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You can understand French when someone speaks at 0.01 mph, which is approximately...no one in France. You've studied French, so when you're in Paris, your friends expect you to understand even the most muffled metro announcement (and you can't).
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If someone asks you to order at a restaurant, your voice still gets soft and shy so the server knows you've studied French enough to be respectful but not long enough to come at you speaking like zjsuzjsüzjszhjzsé after all you said was, "Je prends un verre de vin, s'il vous plaît."
If someone asks you to order at a restaurant, your voice still gets soft and shy so the server knows you've studied French enough to be respectful but not long enough to come at you speaking like zjsuzjsüzjszhjzsé after all you said was, "Je prends un verre de vin, s'il vous plaît."
︎︎︎
︎︎︎
LEARN THE FRENCH THAT FRENCH PEOPLE WILL ACTUALLY BE SPEAKING.
THE
FRENCH
I WISH I LEARNED
IN FRENCH CLASS
What makes this course different
︎︎︎
INSTRUCTION
A-Z French
Course
9 hours of learning, teaching you all the standard grammar you’d learn elsewhere and nonstandard street slang you wouldn’t learn anywhere. We’ll also cover the strategies I used to get fluent, and advice like where you can probably skip, and what you should focus more on instead.
ON THE GROUND INFO
Pop Culture References
Your French is still gonna suck if you don’t know anything about French culture – so I’ll walk you through things you should know so you’re not clueless in a room full of French people (like cult movies and lyrics every last drunk French person will be singing as they run to the dancefloor).
Real-life scenarios
LANGUAGE RECALL
2 Minute Newsletter Recaps
TL;DR emails recapping what even happened in that last chapter.
![]()
EFFICIENCY
Duplicate the Workbook in Notion
Click one button and you can do the full course in Notion (if you want).
IMMERSION
Practice
Useful homework to make the language real and get you practicing how you speak (not how a random textbook speaks). + We go through the corrected answers together.
ADVICE
Resource List
Learning a language is not a one-stop shop, but you can get close. You’ll have to hear these concepts over and over – what you pay for is the curation and voice of the teacher. I provide a list of the best of the best language-learning apps, podcasts, Spotify playlists, etc. and ways to supplement your learning with my favorite novels, movies, etc.
How to use AI
Join the real world and learn how to use AI to your advantage:
LEARN
AS
MUCH
FRANÇAIS
AS POSSIBLE
EN
2 MOIS
LEVEL 2
Curriculum
Level 2 is where we cover the most complicated (but très utile) French power moves. Yes, the ones that’ll have everyone being like “Wait, where did you learn that...”
You’ll also learn the little things people forget to teach (that’ll make you look French) – like putting a space before punctuation, writing your 1 like ^, and saying euh instead of um.
Free
Placement
Test
Placement
Test
(Re)intro to the French language
WEEK 01
Reflexives: flexin’ on em!
WEEK 02
WEEK 03
Reflexives: flexin’ on em!
WEEK 02
Indirect Objects: To whomst? Am I just an object to you!
WEEK 03
Le Passé Composé: Breaking up the past
WEEK 04
L'Imparfait: Ironically more perfect than the other tenses
WEEK 05
Le Conditionnel: I would, could, and should, but prob won't
WEEK 06
Le Futur: When you use the future, cuz you're talking about the future
WEEK 07
Adverbs & Gerunds: the ings and lys
WEEK 08
Y, En, & Hein ?
WEEK 09
The Perfect Tenses: See what had happened was...
WEEK 10
Subjunctive: Subjecting yourself to it
︎THE STUDY HALL FEATURE IS ONLY AVAILABLE DURING SPECIAL ENROLLMENT TIMES
Spanish
Level
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“Puedo ir al baño” is all you can remember from high school (and that’s great, because it’s probably the most useful phrase anyway).
You secretly miss putting upside down ¿ all over the place, writing haha as jaja, and being referred to as your Spanish name which was probably Carmen or Diego. From one gringo to another, por favor let me help you with that Spanish.
You secretly miss putting upside down ¿ all over the place, writing haha as jaja, and being referred to as your Spanish name which was probably Carmen or Diego. From one gringo to another, por favor let me help you with that Spanish.
︎︎︎
LEARN THE SPANISH THAT SPANISH-SPEAKING PEOPLE WILL ACTUALLY BE SPEAKING.
THE
SPANISH
I WISH I LEARNED
IN SPANISH CLASS
What makes this course different
︎︎︎
INSTRUCTION
A-Z Spanish
Course
11 hours of learning, teaching you all the standard grammar you’d learn elsewhere and nonstandard street slang you wouldn’t learn anywhere. We’ll also cover the strategies I used to get fluent, and advice like where you can probably skip, and what you should focus more on instead.
ON THE GROUND INFO
Pop Culture References
Your Spanish is still gonna suck if you don’t know anything about Spanish-speaking cultures – so I’ll walk you through things you should know so you’re not clueless in a room full of Spanish-speaking people (like cult movies and lyrics every last drunk person will be singing as they run to the dancefloor).
Real-life scenarios
LANGUAGE RECALL2 Minute
2 Minute
Newsletter Recaps
TL;DR emails recapping what even happened in that last chapter.
![]()
EFFICIENCY
Duplicate the Workbook in Notion
Click one button and you can do the full course in Notion (if you want).
IMMERSION
Practice
Useful homework to make the language real and get you practicing how you speak (not how a random textbook speaks). + We go through the corrected answers together.
ADVICE
Resource List
Learning a language is not a one-stop shop, but you can get close. You’ll have to hear these concepts over and over – what you pay for is the curation and voice of the teacher. I provide a list of the best of the best language-learning apps, podcasts, Spotify playlists, etc. and ways to supplement your learning with my favorite novels, movies, etc.
CLARITY
How to use AI
Join the real world and learn how to use AI to your advantage:
LEARN
AS
MUCH
ESPAÑOL
AS POSSIBLE
EN
2 MESES
LEVEL 1
Curriculum
We start with verbs so you can learn the pattern and actually make your own sentences (instead of focusing on things like the alphabet when you don’t need to spell anything just yet).
Free
Placement
Test
Placement
Test
SIGN UP
Bienvenidos to the Spanish Language
Questions: ¿WTF is a “¿”?
WEEK 04
Ser y estar: To be or not to be. I already want this to be…over.
Gender: She's here to stay
Time, Days of the Week, & Months: Ahorita
Irregular Verbs: Annoying, but necessary verbs that you'll use all the time
This & That: Esteeeeeeeeee
Comparatives & Superlatives: Doing the Most 101
WEEK 05
ER & IR Verbs: Cuz you’re nevER done conjugating
Pronunciation & Alphabet: If you see something, se something
WEEK 06
Los números 0-1000: ¿Por qué no los dos?
WEEK 07
Possession: Mi casa es su casa
WEEK 08
In, at, on & Geography: We already know where the library is
WEEK 09
Present Continuous: I’m talkING over here
WEEK 10
Direct Objects: It
︎THE STUDY HALL FEATURE IS ONLY AVAILABLE DURING SPECIAL ENROLLMENT PERIODS
Spanish
Level
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You can understand bits and pieces of a Rosalia song, but you also realize not even native Spanish speakers can understand her. Your trilled R no longer sounds like a croaking frog. You're still a gringo, but a respected one at the very least.
︎︎︎
LEARN THE SPANISH THAT SPANISH-SPEAKING PEOPLE WILL ACTUALLY BE SPEAKING.
THE
SPANISH
I WISH I LEARNED
IN SPANISH CLASS
What makes this course different
︎︎︎
INSTRUCTION
A-Z Spanish
Course
8+ hours of learning, teaching you all the standard grammar you’d learn elsewhere and nonstandard street slang you wouldn’t learn anywhere. We’ll also cover the strategies I used to get fluent, and advice like where you can probably skip, and what you should focus more on instead.
ON THE GROUND INFO
Pop Culture References
Your Spanish is still gonna suck if you don’t know anything about Spanish-speaking cultures – so I’ll walk you through things you should know so you’re not clueless in a room full of Spanish-speaking people (like cult movies and lyrics every last drunk person will be singing as they run to the dancefloor).
Real-life scenarios
LANGUAGE RECALL2 Minute
2 Minute
Newsletter Recaps
TL;DR emails recapping what even happened in that last chapter.
![]()
EFFICIENCY
Duplicate the Workbook in Notion
Click one button and you can do the full course in Notion (if you want).
IMMERSION
Practice
Useful homework to make the language real and get you practicing how you speak (not how a random textbook speaks). + We go through the corrected answers together.
ADVICE
Resource List
Learning a language is not a one-stop shop, but you can get close. You’ll have to hear these concepts over and over – what you pay for is the curation and voice of the teacher. I provide a list of the best of the best language-learning apps, podcasts, Spotify playlists, etc. and ways to supplement your learning with my favorite novels, movies, etc.
![]()
CLARITY
How to use AI
Join the real world and learn how to use AI to your advantage:
LEARN
AS
MUCH
ESPAÑOL
AS POSSIBLE
EN
2 MESES
LEVEL 2
Curriculum
Level 2 is where we cover the most complicated (pero muy útiles) Spanish power moves. Yes, the ones that’ll have everyone being like “Wait, where did you learn that...”
Free
Placement
Test
Placement
Test
SIGN UP
Bienvenidos to the Spanish Language
WEEK 01
El que, Lo que, etc: ¿Qué lo que?
WEEK 02
Reflexives: ¡Se compran colchones! ¡Sí, se puede! ¡No te preocupes!
WEEK 03
El que, Lo que, etc: ¿Qué lo que?
WEEK 02
Reflexives: ¡Se compran colchones! ¡Sí, se puede! ¡No te preocupes!
WEEK 03
Indirect Objects: ¡Te lo juro!
El Pretérito Indefinido: Tití me preguntó
El Imperfecto: ABA & ÍA
Past Participles: It's not giving what it was supposed to have gave
El Condicional: I would, could, and should, but prob won't
Subjunctive: He got a big ego
WEEK 04
WEEK 05
WEEK 06
WEEK 07
El Futuro: You’ll see! You’ll all see!
WEEK 08
Commands: Para español, marque dos
WEEK 09
The Perfect Tenses: See what had happened was...
WEEK 10
︎THE STUDY HALL FEATURE IS ONLY AVAILABLE DURING SPECIAL ENROLLMENT PERIODS
Let's not act like your first words in French weren't “Voulez vous coucher avec moi?” (Do you want to sleep with me?). This workshop is for those who are trying to dabble in foreign tongues - both in French and in people - and need to know juicier vocabulary than just "un croissant, s'il vous plaît."
︎︎︎ 19 Pages of Key Vocab
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Flirting
All the boring conversation starters people will use on dating apps, plus how to be smooth with sentences like "Wait, you look really familiar? Do we know each other from somewhere?"
Falling in Love
How to ask someone to marry you, how to call your boo "babe," and then how to break up with them shortly thereafter.
F*cking
All the words your French teacher would have been fired for: what to say before sex, during sex, and after sex.
︎︎︎ 1 Hour Workshop
In this guide:
︎ How to Flirt, Fall in Love, and F#ck in French (19 Pages)
︎ Putting the romance in romance language (3:23)
︎ La sexualité & the art of sédick, I mean -duc, tion (11:07)
︎ "Tu cherches quoi" & Other ways to kill le mystère of romance before it even starts (12:02)
︎ Slightly cringy, but kinda cute words to call your "partner" (5:41)
︎ Sparks are flying...no really my Electricity provider just called me. The male equivalent of mistress? / Will you "spouse-me?" (4:16)
︎ How to piss me off in French: Ask me "tu fais la gueule?" (3:27)
︎ Vagina is masculine. Dick is feminine. (3:31)
︎ French Foreplay 101 & Jean Paul Gaultier sent me a condom (4:41)
︎ "J'ai envie de toi" and other sentences that will get you all HOT and bothered (5:45)
︎ Ça fait mal & other things to say when it's just not good (2:33)
︎ Doctolib & How French health care work (3:14)
︎ Getting tested, la pharmacie, & pregnancy tests (10:20)
Learning French is one thing. Learning how the French really speak is another.
With a few quick vocabulary switches and native expressions you should probably know, we'll get your French sounding even more...well, French.
︎︎︎ 11 Pages of Key Vocab
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︎︎︎ 1 Hour Workshop
In this guide:
︎ Survival Guide to French Small Talk & Awkward Situations (11 Pages)
︎ Why you're so nervous (1:30)
︎ It’s been so long! How are the kids? (5:31)
︎ C'est clair & C'est chaud - how to not be stuck saying Je comprends all the time (5:59)
︎ No joke, no lie, no cap (7:37)
︎ How to leave a conversation when it’s boring (4:23)
︎ There is no good translation for the word "awkward" in French (5:01)
︎ Speaking on the phone (2:49)
︎ When you're approached by an activist on the street asking you to donate 1 cent to save the world (3:40)
︎ How to survive a French soirée: Just learn the lyrics to Désenchantée (9:32)
︎ Stop reducing yourself with "Je parle pas bien français" cuz yes, you do (5:03)
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